Can you assist us in any way, Mr. PERPLEBAGGE?
_Counsel for the Prosecution_ (_smiling_). I am afraid not, my Lord.
_Judge_. Well, I suppose I have no alternative but to order the
Prisoner to be taken back to--
_Prisoner_. To the place I was in last night? No, thankee!--not me!
Look here, gemmen all, we knows one another, don't we? Well, just to
oblige you--as Darmoor ain't 'alf bad in the summer, and as in course
I _did_ do it--I plead guilty!
_Judge_ (_with a sigh of relief_). Prisoner at the Bar, we are
infinitely beholden to you! [_Passes regulation sentence with grateful
courtesy._
* * * * *
THE INVECTIVE OF H-RC-RT.
(_A FRAGMENT IN HEXAMETERS, NOT BY GEORGE MEREDITH._)
[Illustration]
Heigh me! brazen of front, thou glutton for Ground Game, how can one,
Servant here to thy mandates heed thee among the Tories?
Surely thy mission is fudge, oh, DAWNAY, Conservative Colonel!
I, Sir, hither I fared on account of the cant-armed Sportsmen,
Pledged to the combat; they unto me have in no wise a harm done,
Never have they, of a truth, come putting my Hares and my Rabbits,
Never in deep-soiled Hampshire, the nurser of heroes and H-RC-RTS,
Ravaged; but if I found them among my trampled Carnations,
Hares or Rabbits, or gun-bearing Tories, by Jingo, I'd pot 'em!
O hugely shameless! Thee shall we follow to do an injustice
Unto the farmers, seeing the Hares a-munching their crops up?
I do not sit at the feet of the blatant Bordesley Gamaliel,
Or of the unregenerate Agricultural Minister.
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