Steel
as either elderly or old. His eyes were young; his voice was young; she
could hear him and see him still, so the strong impression was not all
on one side. No more, it would seem, was the fascination. Rachel,
indeed, owned to no such feeling, even in her inmost heart. But she did
begin to blame herself, alike for her reception of advances which might
well have been dictated by mere eccentric benevolence, and for her
readiness now to put another construction upon them. And all this time
she was threading the streets of Chelsea at a pace suggestive of a
destination and a purpose, while in her mind she did nothing but look
back.
Impulsive by nature, Rachel had also the courage of each impulse while
it lasted; on the other hand, if quick to act, she was only too ready to
regret. Like many another whose self-reliance is largely on the surface,
an achievement of the will and not the gift of a temperament, she
usually paid for a display of spirit with the most dispiriting
reaction; and this was precisely the case in point. Rachel was ashamed
alike of her rudeness and her vanity; the latter she traced to its
source. It was inspired by vague memories of other women who had been
through the same ordeal as herself.
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