I
had been stammering and blushing, and been as silly as any one could be,
and I suppose had pained her by fishing for pity for myself in such a
transparent way, and saying nothing about her own need of it; at any
rate, she turned all upon me with a sweet sad smile and said, "Sorry? I
am sorry for myself; I am sorry for you; and I am sorry for every one."
The words had no sooner crossed her lips than she bowed her head, gave me
a look as though I were to make no answer, and left me.
The words were few and simple, but the manner with which they were
uttered was ineffable: the scales fell from my eyes, and I felt that I
had no right to try and induce her to infringe one of the most inviolable
customs of her country, as she needs must do if she were to marry me. I
sat for a long while thinking, and when I remembered the sin and shame
and misery which an unrighteous marriage--for as such it would be held in
Erewhon--would entail, I became thoroughly ashamed of myself for having
been so long self-blinded. I write coldly now, but I suffered keenly at
the time, and should probably retain a much more vivid recollection of
what I felt, had not all ended so happily.
As for giving up the idea of marrying Arowhena, it never so much as
entered my head to do so: the solution must be found in some other
direction than this.
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